If you’re like me, you were most likely the odd one out from the very beginning.
For as long as I can remember, there was always this little nagging in the back of my head, this feeling in my gut, that I didn’t fit in with most other kids, even with my family in some cases.
Growing up, I was nerdy and weird, and I often felt as though I was the outcast, always on the edge of my friend groups, never fully fitting in or, in my mind, being allowed to belong, never earning that coveted feeling, that gift, of belonging.
Think back to your childhood – maybe you had that same little nagging in your gut, those same tiny thoughts bouncing around in your head. Maybe you were also the weird, nerdy outcast. Always trying to find your place, but never quite hitting the mark.
What do you remember feeling or thinking as you were growing up, especially with your first core memories of grade school?
These feelings often are not “happy” feelings. They’re not “feel good” feelings. They’re those “not fun” feelings of embarrassment, shame, disappointment. And as these feelings come up, again and again, they become ingrained in our core selves. They start to drive how we feel, how we act, in social situations.
I can remember hiding in my room, crying silently, because of the comments of others at school, of being left out of group activities, being made fun of for my weird and nerdy ways.
Those feelings don’t go away, easily, either. Even when you’re grown and you feel as though you’ve found where you think you should be, where you belong, it’s hard, especially living with anxiety and depression, to not ruminate on those past experiences, waiting for them to happen again.
It takes a lot of mental work for me to convince myself that I’m right where I should be, that I am valuable and worthy living as my authentic self. It’s a lot of work to convince myself that those around me, my garden tribe of amazing friends and family, aren’t going to turn around and banish me, or mock me, for being who I am.
It’s ok to have a hard time with these feelings. It’s completely normal. With practice and a lot of mindset work, you’ll be able to work through them, come up with the tools and tricks that help you move past those thoughts.
And if you’re in need of a community to help you and support you as you go along this journey, come check out our community
of weird and nerdy moms. We’d love to have you.