Just when we think that adulthood couldn’t be any more difficult for trying to be accepted, to belong somewhere, we throw motherhood into the mix.
We love our kiddos. They are our world.
But there’s that little voice in the back of our heads…what was I thinking?
I’ll never have the time or energy to find where I belong now. I belong only to my kids. Not to myself, not to a community. Only to them.
We lose ourselves even more.
Losing contact with friends...
We lose contact with those cherished friends we had that aren’t moms themselves, and who, while they try their best, don’t always understand the life changes that are happening for us.
You want to stay connected with the people you’ve enjoyed friendship and belonging with. But they aren’t moms, they don’t have the same commitments and duties that we have now. So, these relationships become stagnant, separated. We slowly lose some of that precious belonging we were holding on to so carefully, for so long.
Other moms...
As these friends move towards the background, we begin to look towards the other moms around us. Who could we find community with? Where could we belong as a mom?
Finding your way into a mom group is no easy feat, though. If anything, it hits you like a blast from the past, as the tendencies you see at times in the mom groups resemble high school cliques.
Differing parenting styles can make it harder to connect with other moms. Sometimes you just don’t vibe with them, so you’re hesitant to even try to connect.
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Being too socially awkward...
Plus, your socially awkward tendencies make it hard to break into a mom group, especially one that’s already established. How do all of these moms at preschool, at dance, on the soccer field, already know each other? How were you supposed to know where to go to get in on the ground floor of these groups?
You’re so caught up in trying to figure out how you missed the formation of the groups, that you can’t get past the social awkwardness you feel trying to break into the groups. Once again, you’re looking in from the outside.
I remember bringing my little girl to her first birthday party for a school friend. Watching my super social daughter dive right into the group of kids, not struggling at all to play or talk or have fun, having no inhibitions at all or showing any sign of feeling excluded, I just wanted to sink into a dark corner and stay there.
I knew one other mom, but she was already part of a group. I was once again sitting there, looking in, hoping to be included, failing to think of anything to contribute to the conversations these moms were having. They all knew so much about each other’s lives. They all had established relationships.
How do we navigate this?
It’s not easy. Watching our kiddos figure it out so easily while we continuously struggle is like constantly being punched in the gut.
How have you navigated the mom groups and your kiddo’s extrovertedness, as a socially awkward, nerdy introvert? Or are you struggling to navigate these situations altogether? We’d love to hear from you in our community, or in the comments below. We can all learn from each other.
