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I have a little paradox for you: Society loves to remind us that there’s no such thing as perfection, but then turns right around and expects us to be perfect. Sound familiar? It’s like, “Don’t stress about being perfect – but also, make sure you look great, have everything together, and don’t mess up.”

So, today, we’re diving into the vicious cycle of perfectionism and people-pleasing – why we fall into it, how we can break free, and how we can embrace imperfection as part of our growth.

Perfectionism has been a shadow that’s followed me my entire life. I’ve always been that person who laminated everything – literally – because I couldn’t stand the thought of stuff getting messed up, crinkly, or bent. I wanted everything to look perfect, be perfect, stay perfect.

I spent so much time and energy making sure everything was just right because I thought that’s what I needed to do to feel worthy, to be accepted, to avoid losing everything. And while I thought that was my key to acceptance, the truth is that I was actually mocked constantly by my classmates, peers, friends, family for being the one to always laminate things, for being a “teacher’s pet”, for being an “overachiever.”

It wasn’t until the last few years…specifically during the pandemic…that I realized how exhausting and unsustainable this mindset was for me. It’s taken a lot of work – and a lot of uncomfortable sitting with my own thoughts – to begin breaking free of the idea that I have to be perfect at everything.

Spoilers, sweetie: I don’t have to laminate everything, and neither do you.

So, why are we like this? Why do we feel this overwhelming need to chase perfection?

A lot of it comes down to how we’ve been shaped by our past. Maybe you grew up in an environment where mistakes weren’t allowed, or where praise only came when you did something perfectly.

Maybe you internalized the idea that your worth is tied to your achievements. Whatever the reason, those early experiences can create this deeply held belief that anything less than perfect will never be good enough – for you, or for anyone around you.

When we start to understand the root of our beliefs around perfectionism, we can begin to untangle them.

But that’s only step one. Step two? We have to let go of unrealistic expectations. Because if we’re honest with ourselves, most of the expectations we hold ourselves to are absolutely bonkers.

Think about it – would you ever expect a friend or a loved one to be perfect all the time? Of course not. So why do we hold ourselves to these impossible standards?

A lot of it has to do with people-pleasing. We want to be liked, accepted, valued. But constantly trying to meet what we perceive other people’s expectations to be leaves us drained and disconnected from our own actual needs.

Breaking free of these patterns starts with recognizing that you are enough, just as you are. You don’t need to perform or achieve or perfect your way into worthiness.

We also need to learn to embrace our mistakes. This is a tough one – especially if you’ve spent your whole life believing that failure is the end of the world. But mistakes and setbacks are where the magic happens. They’re what bring us back to reality and teach us what we need in order to grow.

It’s a cliché for a reason, but failure really is a stepping stone to success. It’s not about getting it right the first time; it’s about learning from what didn’t work and moving forward.

Because if we got everything perfect the first time – when would we ever experiment with anything? Why would we bother trying anything new? And if we’re not trying something new, how do we know what we’re doing actually works for us?

With every mistake you make, you learn something new, become more resilient, and figure out what actually works for you.

Now, what about the people in your life? If you’re surrounded by people who constantly expect you to perform, please, and perfect, it’s going to be really hard to let go of those tendencies. And if perfection is what they expect of you – are they truly supportive of you? Do they really have your best interests at heart?

It’s so important to surround yourself with supportive people – people who accept you as you are, not as they want you to be.

Try to seek out relationships where you feel safe to be imperfect. Find other people who are on a similar journey, or who are a little farther down the path. Think of the friends and family who you know love you for who you actually are, not for who they imagine you to be.

These are the people who will cheer you on, remind you to give yourself grace, and help you reframe your mistakes as opportunities.

Another powerful tool in breaking free from perfectionism is cultivating positive thoughts. It’s not about toxic positivity or pretending everything is fine when it’s not – it’s about shifting your focus from your self-deprecating, self-defeating thoughts to something that’s more helpful.

Instead of obsessing over what went wrong or what didn’t meet your expectations, focus on what you’ve learned and how you’ve grown. What was something somewhat good that came out of whatever it is you were trying to do? Even if it’s just – well, I didn’t die – that’s totally valid and you can be happy about that.

Gratitude can be a huge help here. When something doesn’t go as planned, take a moment to reflect: What can I be grateful for in this situation? How can I use this experience to grow?

Remember, positivity and gratitude doesn’t erase the challenges, but they can help you reframe them in a way that feels more constructive and less overwhelming.

So, what’s the big takeaway here? Perfection isn’t real, but the pressure to be perfect is. And the only way to break free from that pressure is to let go of unrealistic expectations, embrace your mistakes, and surround yourself with people who lift you up.

It’s a process, and it’s not always easy. But every step you take – no matter how small – brings you closer to living a life that feels authentic and fulfilling.

So, this week, I challenge you to pick one area of your life where you’re chasing perfection. What’s one small thing you can let go of? What’s one step you can take to embrace imperfection and move forward in this area?

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Read all of my blog posts about organizing.